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Wedding Photos series has stopped until the New Year, a few personal posts this way comes. And although I was going to post a real wedding today, I have something on my mind. Something that needs to be said. It’s not normally me to be bluntly outspoken but I feel the need today because I am frustrated!
In fact it’s infuriating me! And it’s completely got me wrapped up in a little bundle of tension.
I’m a blogger. That doesn’t mean I’ll take anyone’s berating!
Since being a blogger I have been thrust into a new world. In this world, which exists almost entirely in a world of binary code, I’ve had more experiences in one year than I did in my full working career! Most, amazing! Some, down-right crappy! And it’s the crappy ones that’s got me all riled up.
As a blogger I’ve had to learn to turn berating into a ‘jumble of letters all grouped in a way that means nothing and makes no sense’ otherwise I take it personally, I get upset and it wanes my motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t’ shy away from constructive criticism, I’m my harshest critique. But it’s useless, mean and purposefully rude comments that has me frustrated along with all those who think they can simply see something they like, fax it, tweak it a teensy bit and launch it as their own creation.
In the beginning, I took it all personally. Now, it’s changed! Now, I’m speaking out!
The Wedding Industry: so totally happy
The wedding industry is a wonderfully positive, happy and romantic industry: made up of Hubby and Wife teams, creative Mums, young inspiring artists and mostly all round genuinely beautiful and talented people – but it has a darkside.
I have met and been inspired by so much that surrounds Alice In Weddingland and continue to be surprised by the amount of incredibly talented and creative people all making Brides and Grooms deliriously happy. Yet there’s a side to being a blogger that I really… don’t… like! And find really, hard, to manage.
That is, those people who deem it there job to post/comment/speak or write negative, useless, non-constructive crap! And in a year alone I’ve come up against a good fistful!
So why am I writing this today? Because in the space of a week, I’ve had yet another plagiariser (I think total count is 8) who has ripped of my posts in their entirety. Another who has not only taken my idea of Alice and it’s ‘unique’ weddings and created a blog so similar it’s ridiculous, another who has copied our Wedding Directory. And, my twitter stalker seems intent on continuously writing horrible and negative comments and I’m fed up!
I understand that once you ‘out’ yourself publicly you make yourself vulnerable to others opinions and for someone like me who, since a young girl, has always wanted to be liked, it’s a hard job to keep your emotions in check. Yet I know I’m not alone! I know some beautiful people in this industry who’ve also had nasty people on twitter and FB or have had their creations stolen and so I’m standing up, as brave as my wobbly legs will hold me, and I’m saying:
STOP THE ****ING CRAP! Get your own ideas! And be inspired, don’t steal! And finally, for those who want to berate – go somewhere else. Join a debating forum. Outleash your negativity somewhere else. I don’t want you here.
This blog is a happy, beautiful, inspiring place to be. Everyone featured on it is! Everyone who is published, is! I will not publish your unhappy berating conversation. I know other blogs might but for me. I am creating something happy and that’s how I want it to stay.
I’m happy if you’re happy
Since starting Alice In Weddingland I’ve had an incredible amount of support and encouragement from those in the industry, Brides around the globe and people who follow Alice In Weddingland purely for it’s inspiration in it’s many guises. I’ve had inspiration surprise me in doorways that I never knew could be opened and I just don’t understand why someone, sitting in front of their computer, reading something positive, thinks sitting back and writing comments like “I know it’s unique and all, but why the hell would someone want a wedding like this” or worse can think it’s something that I’m going to want to read, enjoy reading or even still, smile at there negative insults.
I am a nice person. I love people and I love to be inspired. I can only hope that one day, I can inspire others! But it really does make me so confused as to why those few people need to trash others inspiration. If you don’t like it, change the channel!
I am a creator. This blog is my creation. It is a part of me and exists through me. It is my thoughts, my ideas, my loves, my passions, my inspiration. It is a menagerie of all things creative for weddings that ‘I’ find beautiful or inspiring in ‘my’ way. It is my taste, my style and every other wedding blog out there (well, nearly) is the same. It is their thoughts, ideas and interests that make so many wonderfully diversified blogs available to the public. And considering it is my creation (I don’t get paid to write or post what you see on the blog), it baffles me when I get comments that are meaningless, useless or unsupportive to those who I feature on the blog, be it a real wedding, a photographer or any industry person or of course berate me.
As I’m sure you can read through this, I am upset. I’m upset for the people who this happens to, not just me. The people who work tirelessly to create, to envisage, to dream, to explore, to ‘just be’ who they are and then to have someone (who seems to think they’re important) try and devalue them or their work.
Rob experienced this too. My Hubby is an extraordinary talented man, (seriously, I’m not just biased 🙂 ) in the work of psychology and the mind. He has an innate ability to ‘see’ what others don’t and he has spent the last 20 years helping people! All his work is positive. All of his work is there to help one or many change, improve, understand but above all else, help themselves – and he’s had his share of Darth Vader’s launch their attack from the DarkSide.
In the beginning we would respond, respectfully, understandingly, and in good faith. But it never got us anywhere and so in support of my own recent Darth Vader attacks we have decided that we will not respond to any negativity anymore.
Freedom of speech: the blogging beginning
This world is made up of freedom of speech and blogs are an ultimate source of that freedom of speech. This is the beauty of bloggers: we can learn so much, build rapport with someone across the world, get inspired by a thought, a picture and enhance our knowledge, our style, our understanding of the world around us.
I’m here to support the Bride and Groom in their search to create their ultimate, unique wedding. And I’m here to support all the talented people behind the scenes because that is what I’m good at and that is what I love to do. Like many thousands of you who in your industry have probably come across these sorts of people. I’m speaking out because I don’t want to have to deal with them anymore. I don’t want them to ruin the rest of my day because of their negative thoughts, their lack of happiness. Why should we put up with their misery?!
No longer will Darth Vader be able to make a dent in me for I hold a Light Saber too and it’s loaded with confidence! For all those people out there who, in their jobs have had to deal with this kind of person, here’s to a new found ignorance 🙂
If you’re in support of this post please add your comment below, or like our Facebook page, and join us in a happy twitter conversation!!! What are your thoughts on what we can do to deal with this sort of Social Media rudeness! How can we stop this?
I come back to an oldy but a goodie – united we stand, divided we fall!
Join me in saying ‘NO MORE’!
Wishing you all the happiness and positive thoughts for your evening!
P.S. It’s taken me all day to finally push the ‘Publish’ button as I’ve never done this sort of thing before but I have to admit, it feels good to gain control 🙂
Love always
Zarn xxx
You tell em Zarn, this industry is supposed to be about love, happiness and individual creativity. Many industry people forget this and think it’s just a cut throat business. I stand with you in saying enough already with the ego driven negativity, lets celebrate our difference and the true meaning of getting married, LOVE and HARMONY
I am totally with you on this one! Some people make it their life’s work to find things…small trivial things…then blow them up into big things and write about them and tweet about them. And you know why? Because they want to be noticed. They want a fight in the playground so everyone can come and watch. Like you I think it’s best to respond with courtesy and politeness. Always remember these people don’t actually know us and most of the time they just want a strong link back to their own blog. Stay positive, believe in love and truth and trust in karma. Xxx
Well said Zarn
Gosh, I’d love to know who the culprits are. It’s already a struggle in the internet age to stand out and shine knowing full well our voice often gets drowned out. Whatever happened to scruples and fair play? Bad enough that photography gets stolen and passed off as someone else’s work, isn’t there something like A©ID that covers (blog) concepts as well?
Well said Zarn. A brave but truthful post. Sometimes these things just need to be said. Everybody, (well most of us) think it, so good for you!
I just don’t understand why people seem to take great pleasure in being negative about other people or berating and belittling them, their opinions, or their work. My other bug bear apart from downright nastiness is rudeness. Like you I’ve met many people in this industry who are wonderful, supportive and positive. But I’ve also met a few who are just plain rude and inconsiderate.
Lets surround ourselves only with the positive ones!
Gail
x
I thoroughly agree….I’ve just started a new wedding and event planning business and will be launching my website in the new year, which will of course include a blog. It’s a big step to put yourself and your writing (which is essentially your personality) out there for all to see. I’m happy for people to give constructive comments that help improve my writing style, but negative comments for the sake of it aren’t benefitting anyone, and can really ruin our mojo!
I think your blog and writing style are fantastic and I only hope mine can be as positive, interesting and inspiring as yours once I’m up & running.
Happy Monday! x x
Hayley from Mermaid Weddings and Events
It’s a strange industry. As a wedding photographer shooting weddings feels like a privilege and never like work. But the industry networking side is positively school yard sometimes. What we do isn’t a day-job where we turn up, do our hours and take the pay check. We put our heart and soul into what we do. It’s impossible not to take it to heart when uninvited criticism is directed at us. My skin is slowly getting thicker in this Industry, thanks to support from my partner and other lovely photographers ^^^ two of which have already commented up there. Make sure you don’t take it to heart and where trolls are concerned the delete button is justified 🙂 Merry Christmas Zarn keep up the good work 🙂
Well said, you speak from the heart. I am one of your followers, I am not in the wedding arena, but boy you sure do inspire me. When I first came across you on facebook, something said to me ‘here is a lady who really loves what she is doing’ so keep on moving forward, and tell the rotters out there to get a life !!!!
Hi Zarn, you are one of my favorite wedding blogs, you are creative, unique and so exciting to follow, always a new take on wedding trends and designs. You have inspired me to take my work to heart, I see how much you enjoy and have grown with yours. Blessings and keep it going!
You speak for us all, my dear. It was so heartfelt and truthful. Sometimes we just need to say what is on our minds, if for no other reason, than therapeutic reasons. 😀 This is your baby, your family, your passion and your workplace …all places that are deemed socially excepted to let your guard down. I would love love love if you were to do a post on “how to combat copycatters.” Helpful hints, motivation etc. I have one that is so blatant and direct (I have not addressed them at all yet though – haven’t even made it known that I am aware they exist) but if you are ever in a place like this again and feel like putting something together, I know us creative types may benefit from your experience and wisdom. 😀 Keep smiling my dear…you can sleep silently at night knowing that you are an original. I feel sorry for the negative types and the copiers because they not only sleep with guilt, but they also must just be insecure people. Must be hard to be so miserable inside when life is so wonderful to be a part of…thank you for being a happy part of my daily life. xoxox
It’s really sad that you’ve been made to feel this way.
It’s easier said that done, but you need to discount all the negativity, that’s just nasty!
If people don’t know you, then it’s impossible for them to mean the things that they may say about you!
The wedding industry is supposed to be about love and happiness, but weddings are so personal and unfortunately, even if you say something in the nicest possible way, like “I prefer White to Ivory”, those Ivory lovers are going to take offense.
Don’t let it ruin your journalism though! If you water it down to suit everybody, then there’s just no point to reporting at all!
You have a very distinct style and that’s not for everybody, but that doesn’t matter. You have enough great supporters who love what you do. These trolls will soon learn that it is more productive to just move on, rather than destroy somebodies achievements.
People copying your style to the minutest detail is, quite obviously a compliment, in a roundabout way! And you know that! Your idea is so strong, that others cannot depart from it without the idea becoming weak. They will try, but ultimately fail, nothing can beat the original and best! Be confident in yourself, and your work, and you won’t have to worry!