Introvert or extrovert which one are you? and how might this affect your wedding?
Do you want something small and quaint while your partner wants something extravagant? Is it causing you a logistical nightmare trying to please yourself and your partner in everything you want for the wedding?
Well just in case your at your wits end and wonder why they just don’t go with what you like, it probably has less to do with your planning and more to do with their personality.
Of course with a title Introvert or Extrovert – you might surely jump to conclusions about whether you think either you or your beloved is one or the other and unfortunately this is where many/most if not nearly all people go wrong!
So I want to set the record straight and let you find out for yourself whether you have a bias towards one or the other and how you know PRECISELY which one and not by the fairy tales and wives tales that we find in pop psychology tabloids around the world!
And why is this important to you?
If you know why your partner is resisting the Sky-Diving Wedding and preferring the quiet romantices of Bora Bora you might think it’s all to do with them being a little – shy, quiet or retisent and yet you know that on a good day they’d be happy to go Cage Diving with a school of ravenous Mako Sharks!
- So which are you?
- How would you rate yourself?
- Are you an Introvert?
- Do you prefer to stay at home?
- Are you shy?
- Do you prefer your own company?
Perhaps you think of yourself as an extrovert, gregarious in nature, outgoing, the life and soul of a party, loud boisterous and fun in nature or maybe somewhere in between?
- But what if you were wrong?
- What if after all this time the measurements you’re using to test whether you are an introvert or an extrovert are wrong.
- What if the labels of introvert and extrovert are wrong?
- Could and how does this affect you?
- What if after all this time you believed something about yourself that just wasn’t true?
The common misconception is that an introvert is shy and suffers from social anxiety with a preference for their own solitude; their own company. The extrovert on the other hand is domineering, loud, brash and likes to be centre of attention.
The terms introversion and extroversion come from the work of Carl Jung and later typified in the personality profiling work of Myers Briggs. Many organisations today use the Myers Briggs type indicators to determine your personality preferences as a means to help them with the job application and interview process.
As with many personality indicators rumours abound and misconceptions occur. The crass preference then becomes fact. Introverts are shy and social outcasts, extroverts are loud, brash and the soul of the party.
What does this mean to you?
- If you think of yourself as an introvert, do you think you are shy?
- Do you prefer your own company?
- Are you a social failure?
- Do you only have a friend or two?
- What do you think about yourself?
- Are you different from the norm?
- Do you wish you were more of an extrovert?
- do you think of yourself as an extrovert?
- Do you love socialising and seek out and want to befriend?
- Do you wish you were more of an introvert?
- Or do you sit somewhere in the middle?
- How does this affect the way you act, work and behave? And just as importantly what does this mean regarding your wedding and your marriage?
Well to find out you want to do a test!
The Test: Which one are you?
What you need. 1-4 sheets of A4 Paper. 1 Lemon cut in half
1) Take an A4 sheet of paper, hold it in front of you and lick along one edge and continue going until you run out of saliva, that is your tongue dries up on the paper. If you get to the end of the paper, turn it over and use the other side. Continue going on each side until you run out and your tongue feels dry on the paper.
2) Then make a mark or an indication of how far you licked.
3) Take the 1/2 lemon and squirt on your tongue. Now take some new A4 sheets and repeat 1)
Now measure the difference.
- Is there little or no difference?
- Is there a huge difference?
- How much extra saliva did the lemon produce?
If the ‘Acid test’ produced little or no change and the lick tests are similar in length then this is a demonstration that your personality profile is that of an extrovert.
If the ‘lick lengths’ were different and you produced more saliva then this indicates that you have a personality profile of an introvert.
The degree of difference between the lick lengths will indicate the degree by which your personality traits are that of an introvert.
Imagine at one end of the scale is introvert, the other extrovert. The greater the difference the more introverted you are.
As an indication, if your initial lick length was 6 inches and your final lick length after the lemon was 1.5 metres, then your at the far end of introversion, if its about 18 inches then probably you sit somewhere in the middle.
Why & How?
The amount of saliva that you produce as a result of the lemon juice indicates the degree to which your senses are stimulated and therefore you either produce saliva as a result of the stimulation or not. The amount of excess saliva also indicates how sensitive to stimuli you may be.
Therefore the acidity of the lemon stimulates our receptors and produces saliva; the more you salivate the less stimulation you require. The less saliva you create the greater stimulation your senses require.
How this works in relation to personality.
Think of it this way. If reading a nice novel stimulates you and you have a sense of satisfaction and comfort as a result then the ‘degree’ by which you need stimulating to achieve this is less than if you need to go skydiving or bungee jumping.
So an introverted person is someone who needs less stimulation to be happy compared to the extrovert who needs more stimulation.
What this means to you
Introversion and extroversion have little or nothing to do with social ability and likeness and more to do with the amount of stimulation you require to achieve a state of ‘happiness’.
(Happiness: (used loosely) as the act of knowing you are happy only happens after the event of being/doing. Probably more accurately the desired state is one of being ‘yourself’ and of personal achievement – I am sure you’ll have your own word for this)
- The more stimulation you need to get to this state the more you will attempt to find solutions that require you to seek ‘riskier, adventurous, and daring’ solutions.
- The less stimulation you need, then you possibly have less need to have to bungee jump every day.
However, here’s the interesting thing…you like to bungee jump and you did the test and have discovered you are in fact more of an introvert.
This just demonstrates the amount of stimulation you need to get happy!
Introversion does not mean you won’t want to go skydiving anymore or that you may see or feel less of a need to do it as often. It simply means that you may wish to experience ‘high stimulating’ activities less often than an extrovert.
Similarly, if you discovered through the test that you are an extrovert, it doesn’t mean you will never want to read War and Peace, it simply means that you require less need to read more often.
Therefore, you need not seek or wish to be other than what you are. If your preference is to read and paint or have light dinner parties or to go down the mountain blindfolded with no ropes while doing a conference call, then this is just what you need to feel good and get the stimulation you require.
What about the middle person?
This too is the degree by which you require the amount of stimulation. On one end of the scale the extrovert requires greater degrees of stimulation than the introvert and more often. Therefore it is about where you are on the continuum scale and how often.
What you do and how you’ll behave and act will change according to context and motivation. Some-days you may just be wanting to skydive and then halfway down be longing for a Pina Collada by the pool.
Behaviour happens and changes constantly from the continuous stimulation we receive throughout our lives. Introversion and extroversion are degrees, and the degree by which you require stimulation will depend as much upon the context you’re in to what you’ve been doing preceding this and where you are in your life.
Mid Life Crisis
Some people, possibly where the term ‘mid-life’ crisis comes from, may have had the personality type of introverts and now need to buy a motorbike and go travel the straights of Nevada for a year or base jump from the Eiffel Tower. While others have done this for the last 7 years and now wish a more sedentary life.
The point here is that it’s not who you are now but what you want to do now, and be happy doing it. And, how can you take the upsides of whether you are extroversion or introversion to help you have a happier life?
If you’re the life and soul of the party, does it in fact mean your an extrovert or does it just mean that at this particular time your requirement is to be stimulated?
You and Your Wedding
So considering all of this – once you know which way you’re inclined (so to speak) you’ll have a better appreciation of why your partner is either wanting a quiet little number with just you or the hells bells party with Ozzy Osbourne in attendance!
BUT – what it really means is you can find the right level of stimulation that you can both get either from one part of the wedding itself or afterwards – it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, really just a question of when.
And if you’re wondering Zarn is more of an extrovert than I.
In fact I’m a kinda off the scale introvert! But I love to stand on the stage and rock it out with my AXE (no not ex) or do crazy sports – however Zarn wants to go out more often and be more social than me. I’m just happy with a good beer and book most of the time 😉
Author: Rob, Alice in Weddingland
P.S. If just by thinking about eating a lemon makes your mouth water like the Niagra Falls you can pretty much say you’re introverted!!!